The one I didn’t see coming

About four years ago as Erika was starting medical school they brought the families into a room and told us deep med school secrets like; your family member will have to study a lot, or they maybe grumpy from lack of sleep. The big one was, they need your support to get through school. I came away overwhelmed. Wow this is what med school is like. Aw come on you big dummies, tell me something I don’t already know. Well here is the one I didn’t see coming.

Last week I was diagnosed with mononucleosis. If you don’t know, that knocks you on your keaster for awhile. This isn’t good when you live with a type “A” personality who was planting flowers in the front yard the day she got home from the hospital after her brain hemorrhage. In her words; “Rest….are you kidding? I don’t have time to be sick there is work to do.” She can be throwing up one minute and be asking me to get the Christmas trees out of the attic the next. As I have learned in nearly 16 years of marriage, “work doesn’t do itself.” Although, I do think it can wait until daylight hours.

On the other hand I am good at being sick. I can listen to the doctor and get lots of rest. I lay in bed until I have enough energy to get to the couch. Sometimes I stop at the recliner in between the two. I get lots of reading done and generally enjoy couch side service. Somehow the two personalities are bound to collide.

Here is the part that caught me of guard. Sick are ya? Let’s see what I have for you. First thing when you wake up I want you to brush your teeth then gargle with the bottle of stuff I mixed up for you. What’s in it I ask only to be told, something to make me better. Once through with that I want you to take this big white pill and then put 10 drops of this stuff under your tongue. Oh by the way, you need to do the ten drops four times a day. Okay I say, but what is it, to which she always responds, just something to make you feel better. Now once you are through with that go down and take one of your vitamin pill packs (4 pills). Wait 30 minutes and drink a protein shake followed by the different big white pill and the two yellow ones. Oh did I mention the vitamin C? Go ahead and take a couple of those while you’re at it. Okay listen up; 30 minutes before lunch take the next vitamin pill pack (5 pills). During lunch make sure you get your fish oil and the next pill pack (4 pills). Did you remember the 10 drops under your tongue? Now don’t tune me out, before bed take the two big white pills, two more of the yellow ones, the 10 drops under your tongue, and gargle with the bottle of stuff I mixed for you. Did I forget the vitamin C? Throw one of those in there too. Oh yes, don’t forget your fiber drink.

Okay this has been going on for about a week. I managed to pay the neighbor boy off to mow the yard. I missed Good Friday Service and the Easter service. Not because I didn’t want to be there, it’s just when you have something like mononucleosis I don’t think you should only be thinking of yourself. I should have seen it coming after spending three days on the couch. Last night, Easter, Erika said, I have an idea of something that I think would help you. Oh no this isn’t good me thinks. I don’t respond, but she goes ahead and says, “A B12 shot.” I explain to her how the internet says there is nothing shown to speed up recovery from mono and why I think this is a bad idea. I could have an allergic reaction and my throat swell shut. Perhaps I could go blind and never be able to see her pretty face again. I went to sleep hoping she would forget the notion. Ha…the first thing out of her mouth this morning was, hey did you call the doctor and see if he could get you in for a B12 shot? I explained how busy he was and that I was sure it wouldn’t be a good day for him. Moment later she came out of the bedroom announcing that she had it all arranged and that we were to head over right before lunch. Since I have never had one of these shots before, imagine my surprise when the nurse said, sir please drop your trousers. On the way home Erika had me stop by the CVS store so she could get me some throat numbing spray. Bless her heart.

Tonight she left for her rotation in the Emergency Room. Her last bit of advice was, don’t spray that stuff in your throat. Take the lid off and drink some. I was a bit confused if I was to take it before the mouth gargle, the 10 drops under the tongue, and the handful of pills, or after all those. I chose to do it after. I’m not sure where I missed the part about gargling the stuff for 15 seconds and then spitting it out, or perhaps it wasn’t in the verbal instructions. All I can say is that stuff could be used for real communion. I found myself waltzing through the house in my under garments singing the national Anthem. As I lay here in bed with the last stanza of music fading away I am beginning to wonder if a detoxification is in order.

There is a little bit of embellishment to this story, but it’s hard to tell how much at this point. I’ll try to straighten it out after the music stops.